You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
