i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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