i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
