The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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