Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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