OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
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He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
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Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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