bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
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I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
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You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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