He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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