Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
