I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
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I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
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hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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