my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
my poor anus
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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