my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
