I'm jealous of your bromance
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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