Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
