Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
