I wish my penis had an off switch
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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