is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
As shirtless as possible
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
