Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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