Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
