holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
