we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
