Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
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We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
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I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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