I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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