Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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