Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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