What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
