there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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