Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
