so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
