I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
