Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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