Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
