im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
