You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
