For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
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