so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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