i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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