Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
