I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
