I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
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You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
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That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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