Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
