New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
