Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize