Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's rum buckets o'clock
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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