the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
