You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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