Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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