i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
