I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
