Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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