butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
we're so committed to being not committed
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
