dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
high people should be assigned attendants
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
