i wish my penis had a tongue
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
