I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
