I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
