TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
