If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
