We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
