So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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