We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
