Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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