New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
