He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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