i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
