Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
