i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
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I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
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you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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