Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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