I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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