Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
