just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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