you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
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Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
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All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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