this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
