i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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