I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
