and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
