yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
