well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
