i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
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Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
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Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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