What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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