help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
